Love Over Pride: Serving Others for the Right Reasons

+JMJ+ There are situations in which we genuinely want to help someone. Maybe it’s a loved one, friend, or parishioner from our church who has suffered. Our intentions usually start pure. After all, we care deeply, and we want to be there for them. However, some of us have a tendency to want the spotlight on ourselves. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we shift from serving to seeking recognition. I’ve seen it happen, especially in heartbreaking situations (such as when someone survives sexual abuse). A loved one steps in, truly wanting to support. If they have their own unhealed wounds, they may end up drawing the attention toward themselves, inadvertently making it more about their own emotions and reactions and their own pain.

It might come from love, but if we haven’t dealt with our own trauma or grief, we risk hijacking someone else’s healing journey. We talk about how hard we’re taking it. We share our anger, our heartbreak, oursleepless nights. Without meaning to, we make their story orbit around us. Suddenly, the one who needs care is forced to manage our emotions too.

That’s not love. That’s a cry for our own healing disguised as compassion.

There’s a difference between solidarity and centering. Solidarity says, “I’m here with you. Tell me what you need.” Centering says, “This reminds me of my own pain, and now I need to be cared for too.” One supports. The other suffocates.

If we really want to love well, we have to ask ourselves: Am I showing up for them, or am I making this about me?

It’s easy to convince ourselves we’re helping others out of love but, if we’re honest, sometimes our motives are mixed. Our original intention may be to step in to serve, but being seen, proving something, or feeling superior can quietly take over. Whether we want to “fix” what someone else is doing because we think we could do it better, whether we seek recognition, or whether we’re chasing that hit of pride that comes when we’re the one who saved the day , that’s not love. That’s ego dressed up as service.

No one is immune to this—no one. Even in church communities and families where people genuinely want to do good, this kind of pride all-too-easily sneaks in. Parents do it with their kids. Children do it with their aging parents. We do it with friends, coworkers, and ministry teams. It’s not always about calling out sin. That’s different and necessary when it’s truly needed. This is about the everyday moments where we try to take control over situations, not because something is truly wrong, but because we just can’t stand to see it done “less well” than we would do it.

“Less well” by whose standard? Yours?

That task someone is handling… maybe they’re pouring their heart into it. Maybe they’re giving it everything they’ve got, and maybe they’re doing it out of love for God and others. Who are you to step in and strip that moment from them because you think you can do it better? That’s not love. That’s not humble. That’s not Christian.

God gives each of us different gifts. He doesn’t compare us. He doesn’t measure our value by performance. We do that. We let our pride push us to control what doesn’t need to be controlled. We tell ourselves we’re being helpful, but deep down we need to ask: Are we really? Or are we just uncomfortable letting go?

Control often disguises itself as care, but beneath it usually lies pride or fear. We may fear that things will fall apart if we’re not in charge, worry that someone else might outshine us, or believe that unless we do it ourselves, it won’t be “perfect.” While there are times when stepping in is necessary (like a parent or teacher guiding a child), love doesn’t demand perfection. It requires sincerity, trust, and humility.

Granted, it can be hard and humbling to watch someone do something differently than we would. Yet, true love doesn’t critique from the sidelines. It encourages. It supports. It steps in when needed, not just because we can, but because it’s right.

Let’s check our hearts. Are we stepping in out of love or out of a need to be right, to be better, to reach our vision of perfection, or to be seen? Let’s be people who serve quietly, without ego, without comparison, and without the need to put the focus on ourselves. Let’s be people who honor the efforts of others. Let’s allow love (not pride) to lead.

Let others give their best to God (just like you want to give yours) and let’s ask God for the grace to be humble enough to love and support them without the need to be the center of attention.

“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”

– St. Mother Teresa